I’m not blind, you know, so I know very well that there are folks out there who are posting blogs three or four times per week. And don’t think that doesn’t make me feel terribly inadequate, when the most I can manage is maybe a blog posting every, oh, three decades or so.
What does that say about me? Or more importantly, what do I think that says about me?
We all write differently. Me, I’ve never been able to just hammer out a blog and post it. I know people can do that. My problem – and believe me when I tell you that I am loathe to admit this – is that I am worried about putting up something bad. Or dumb. Or embarrassingly bad and dumb.
To preempt this embarrassment, this is my defense mechanism, which I use so often on Liz that she could lip-sync along with me:
“Oh, that blog I posted? Yeah, I just wrote it in, like six minutes. I didn’t even think about it. I don’t even really remember writing it because I wrote it right after I fell off the roof when I was up there cleaning the gutter. Most of it I wrote on the way down, actually, and I polished it up as I was trying to regain feeling in my lower body. So it’s probably not a great entry, but remember that I didn’t spend much time on it.”
The truth is that I spent about a week on it, sweating blood and banging my forehead with a boot.
What’s the point here? Well, the point is that I really do want to write more. I want to get rid of whatever it is that is holding me back – probably embarrassment. Probably the fear that people won’t like my writing. But how is that any different whether I only post ever month or whether I do it more regularly? I’m still going to be worried that people won’t like what I write.
So here’s what I’m thinking. I’m thinking I might just start writing more. Or maybe I won’t, but I at least want to get into the mindset of not being worried what I’m putting out there. I’ve been writing this blog since August of 2004, believe it or not. I was worried about people not liking my writing then, too, but I wrote in that travel blog a couple of times a week, rain or shine.
That blog – because I wrote so much, because I cared what I wrote but at least kept writing consistently – became a book called Little Princes. And that book has done pretty well for itself. The point is this: good things come out of blogging. And while I resist New Year’s resolutions, I believe that it’s possible that I might try to write more.
Even as I write that, I know I’m going to break it. But at least, just for this one moment, I can almost believe I really will do that.
And like anything else in life, if I have enough of these single, naive moments of optimism, moments where I’m living what I believe, if I can string enough of them together, then life can be pretty great.
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Writing is cathartic. It helps you share your story. The story about the Nepal children is a must. But the stories about your family is also a cherished part of your life that can be captured and relished by your friends and family throughout generations. Blogging is to let the world know and YOU know what matters. So blog when you feel it worthy and you want to capture the moment, not because you have to. I love your blogs, Conor! They mean a lot!
Thanks Marcy! I love writing about the family. Poor Finn and Lucy will have to grow up reading it, alas for them…
Conor,
I read your blog every time it comes out whether it is monthly, weekly or there is a new one tomorrow. I think it is great that you share your life and thoughts with us. I also fell that Finn and Lucy will enjoy reading how their father felt while they were growing up. Still hope you are working on your next book “little princes 2.” it would be neat to have an update about the kids and what they thought about NGN. Please keep writing and I will keep reading.
Thanks Jeff – we should definitely be updating more about the kids and NGN. I left Nepal, so I’m not sure that’s my story to tell, perhaps it’s Farid’s (my colleague). But the story does go on!
Thanks, for writing. I need encouragement to write more as well and you have done that. I wish you wonderful Christmas and keep up the good work in Nepal.
Thanks Audrey- hopefully we can all encourage each other on this. Writing sometimes feels like it needs to be a team sport…
Conor, your blogging pace is just perfect! I stop whatever surfing I am doing to read your blog because I love how you write. Probably wouldn’t do that if you wrote several times a week. Your description of the anguish involved is an absolute match to how I feel about my writing. But guess what? I don’t even have a blog! So, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all that you do for the kids in Nepal and for saying it all so eloquently. p.s. I’ve visited Umbrella and now am a proud supporter.
So great that you visited Umbrella! Love everything about that place, the staff, volunteers, and of course the kids. Incredible work they’re doing.
Always thought I would write more later…when the kids left home, when the family crisises settled down, when work was less demanding. Then my health changed and my brain was affected. Writing this will actually cause a headache. Don’t put it off! Get it out…get it down!
Love your writing, your perspective!
Thanks Heidi – and I hear you. I feel like there are so many things I put off and never got back to them, and I actually had no excuse whatsoever. Thanks for the encouragement!!
I know what you mean. I think there’s a need to feel that what is being said is profound. Or that no one else has said it, or could say it. We feel the need to be brilliant and poetic and …not wrong.
The thing is, ego forgets one of the main purposes of art: to unite people. For me, when I read a blog like yours, it reminds me of who I am. It reminds me that others think the way I do. It also teaches me, even if it’s something I’d once known but had forgotten.
I hear so many of my own criticisms in here. I haven’t wanted to blog because I didn’t want writing out there that I couldn’t take back at some point. I guess it’s refreshing to hear these things from you because- as someone who doesn’t know you- I’d never guess you felt this way, too. Thanks for sharing.
Perfectly said!! I think that all the time, sometimes it’s with a book idea, and I realize it’s already been done. But who cares, if you have something new to say? You never know what people will rally around…
I have so much trouble writing what I “have to”, that keeping a journal or writing a blog seems way too time consuming. I would agonize over every word (which is kinda what I did with this comment). I appreciate that you are posting your thoughts. And as someone who has had the experiences that you have, you owe it to yourself to continue to write. I hope you are able to keep your resolution longer than just 2012.
I do too, Mary – I’m trying to make it easier and breezier so that I don’t agonize over it, and I’m finding it makes it fun, doesn’t feel like “work” in any way…
Well, Connor… maybe write about things that delight you, concern you, touch you heart….I’m guessing that you have plenty to say/write…it’s just getting in touch with what it is and be willing to take the chance to go ahead and do that. Anyone here already appreciates your sincerity, spirit and humor…so go ahead and offer it to others…. btw…I started a blog in April and every time I clicked that “publish” button, I worried for hours…now it’s easy….it’s just a matter of doing it… warm new year’s smiles to you : )
Hi Connor…I ‘ve continued to think about the magic that was in your book and the concerns you expressed in this post. As I think of your book, what struck me most deeply was your sense of laughter, joy and playfulness with the kids…and how that type of connection led to the work that you then did to reunite them with their families. So, I perceived an essence of you as “laughter” and “playfulness”. I wonder if you can tap into those in your everyday writing and life. (of course, as a father I”m sure you are tapped into that but let it spread). After reading your book and writing to you after I had read it, I realized that my own sense of joy in teaching children could be spread and shared, in my own sometimes playful manner, and that people might appreciate that type of message… there are 6 or 7 posts like that in late December blog entries..here’s one of them, but the others before and after it might have some encouragement for you… may you leap with curiosity and enthusiasm, because I am certain those are there to your core. http://pocketperspectives.wordpress.com/2012/01/01/leaping-with-courage-strength-curiosity-and-enthusiasm/
I have just started reading your book, which I’m loving, and have just also discovered your blog. I wrote a similar post to this on my blog a few months back entitled “on blogging and fear”. This is the link if you’re interested! http://annarobbo.wordpress.com/2011/07/06/on-blogging-and-fear/
Blessings to you and your family, anna
What Would Buddha Say? Something like, “you do not have to be in the good favor of others…”, or something like that!
Write what you feel and it will appeal to those that need it. The others don’t need to read it!
And, besides, you make the rest of us feel “okay!” Keep blogging!